everything is possible... the impossible just takes a little longer

slow and steady wins the race

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

half-assed parenting at its best...

So we all have those moments (you know the ones) when we are not proud of the influences we have on our offspring.  We hope that we are able to provide them with the tools to make the right choices, do the right thing, be kind to others and to require as little therapy as possible. However, there are those moments...


 half-assed parenting example #1
You find half of a smashed chocolate chip cookie on the carpet.  I mean really smashed into the carpet and perhaps ran over by the wheelchair a few times.  You ask "Whose cookie is this?"... thinking you know the answer you pause and wait for it.  Just then your husband comes in from the other room with a bit of chocolate in the corner of his mouth and crumbs on his shirt tells your son... "next time you have to eat your cookies at the table..." Blame-shifting at its best!


half-assed parenting example #2
You know your child has over heard you use inappropriate language when they can use it in a sentence...  So your child over hears a phone conversation where you spew some nasty inappropriate language in the heat of a rant over something.  Obviously his Christian education is picking up where we left off because he politely reminds you that "that" is not a nice word. Immediately collecting your thoughts and hoping to now set a good example you apologize to your small child (oh so wise beyond his years).  Upon hearing your humbling response he tells you... "don't say sorry to me Mom... say sorry to God... and Jesus... and Santa..."


half-assed parenting example #3
So we are out at a local pizza joint with some friends and the kids in tow.  Sam is in his wheelchair and pushed slightly away from the table so that he can't grab at anyones' food or glasses.  Every one at the table knows that Sam does not eat anything by mouth and knows that this is just Standard Operating Procedure for a night out with the Collins'.  Sam is still included in the conversation and such... he is just kept away from things he might throw at other patrons.  Well our 20 something waitress comes out and immediately wants to take the kids orders and get our drinks.  We order for Andrew.  She asks about Sam and we say no... he's ok.  This obviously has disturbed her and repeatedly she asks if she can bring him a plate or cup.  We say... no that's ok... and continue with our conversations.  She then proceeds to bring out a paper plate and cup and attempts to lay them in front of Sam.  We take them away and tell her once again that he doesn't need anything and that he will just throw it.  Now she is very nice but this is getting annoying.  Sometimes I just don't feel the need to have to explain to everyone we meet about Sam's extensive medical history and why he does not eat orally.  So then the pizza comes and once again she brings Sam a plate.  Once again  I take it away and say he doesn't eat while in the back ground, trying desperately to be acknowledged, Andrew is repeating (quite loudly at this point...he obviously realizes too that she just doesn't get it) "HE HAS A G-TUBE, HE HAS A G-TUBE, HE HAS A G-TUBE"  in a sort of sing song voice.  On her final attempt she brings Sam an apple sauce cup.  I snapped... I then politely told her... " We all drew straws in the car before we came in and Sam drew the short straw so he doesn't get to eat tonight"  She left us alone for the rest of our meal.  As we are leaving restaurant we quickly say a silent prayer that DCFS is not waiting for us in the parking lot.

 

6 comments:

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

ROFL I can't believe you really said that to the waitress! I never have enough guts to say what I'm thinking! LOL Those were great, thanks for the laugh!

rae said...

Yes I actually said that...and to make it even funnier... after I said that...one of the friends that we were with held up his straw to show the waitress. We all got a laugh out of it but I think she might have thought we were serious.

I also love it when people ask me "how do you afford all those medical bills?" and I tell them... "well... we will just pick our favorite child and that one can go to college". LOL. Ya gotta laugh.
rae

Bethany said...

OMG you crack me up! Can I come to the next pizza night out? :)

Heather said...

My kind of gal! We have turned a few heads over the years with our "unique" sense of humor but it has honestly seen us through so much of the last year and a half.Without it we would have been so lost. Some people get it others well,probably question our ability to properly raise Zoey or any of the others for that matter!Our responses to some of the ridiculous comments people have made have literally left them with their mouths hanging open and us with one less person who approaches us .... so it's a win win situation!! Thanks for always making me laugh Rae!

Katie said...

never a dull moment when you take Sam out! He needs a little t-shirt that says he drew the short straw for eating today. that would surely get you in trouble!

jamie. said...

I also love the idea of saying you're sorry to santa....