half-assed parenting at its best...

So we all have those moments (you know the ones) when we are not proud of the influences we have on our offspring.  We hope that we are able to provide them with the tools to make the right choices, do the right thing, be kind to others and to require as little therapy as possible. However, there are those moments...

 half-assed parenting example #1

You find half of a smashed chocolate chip cookie on the carpet.  I mean really smashed into the carpet and perhaps ran over by the wheelchair a few times.  You ask "Whose cookie is this?"... thinking you know the answer you pause and wait for it.  Just then your husband comes in from the other room with a bit of chocolate in the corner of his mouth and crumbs on his shirt tells your son... "next time you have to eat your cookies at the table..." Blame-shifting at its best!

half-assed parenting example #2

You know your child has over heard you use inappropriate language when they can use it in a sentence...  So your child over hears a phone conversation where you spew some nasty inappropriate language in the heat of a rant over something.  Obviously his Christian education is picking up where we left off because he politely reminds you that "that" is not a nice word. Immediately collecting your thoughts and hoping to now set a good example you apologize to your small child (oh so wise beyond his years).  Upon hearing your humbling response he tells you... "don't say sorry to me Mom... say sorry to God... and Jesus... and Santa..."

half-assed parenting example #3

So we are out at a local pizza joint with some friends and the kids in tow.  Sam is in his wheelchair and pushed slightly away from the table so that he can't grab at anyones' food or glasses.  Every one at the table knows that Sam does not eat anything by mouth and knows that this is just Standard Operating Procedure for a night out with the Collins'.  Sam is still included in the conversation and such... he is just kept away from things he might throw at other patrons.  Well our 20 something waitress comes out and immediately wants to take the kids orders and get our drinks.  We order for Andrew.  She asks about Sam and we say no... he's ok.  This obviously has disturbed her and repeatedly she asks if she can bring him a plate or cup.  We say... no that's ok... and continue with our conversations.  She then proceeds to bring out a paper plate and cup and attempts to lay them in front of Sam.  We take them away and tell her once again that he doesn't need anything and that he will just throw it.  Now she is very nice but this is getting annoying.  Sometimes I just don't feel the need to have to explain to everyone we meet about Sam's extensive medical history and why he does not eat orally.  So then the pizza comes and once again she brings Sam a plate.  Once again  I take it away and say he doesn't eat while in the back ground, trying desperately to be acknowledged, Andrew is repeating (quite loudly at this point...he obviously realizes too that she just doesn't get it) "HE HAS A G-TUBE, HE HAS A G-TUBE, HE HAS A G-TUBE"  in a sort of sing song voice.  On her final attempt she brings Sam an apple sauce cup.  I snapped... I then politely told her... " We all drew straws in the car before we came in and Sam drew the short straw so he doesn't get to eat tonight"  She left us alone for the rest of our meal.  As we are leaving restaurant we quickly say a silent prayer that DCFS is not waiting for us in the parking lot.